Recent world leading research in Balliol

By Balliol JCR, 19 February, 2023

The initials following subjects are entirely random and in any other parallel universe would probably seem even more innocuous than here.

Biological Sciences, S.S,

We have just discovered that Walruses are in fact the only mammals to breath in Carbon Dioxide and breathe out Oxygen.

Mathematics, C.C,

It turns out that in fact calculators cannot divide by odd numbers.

History, J-P.G,

Recent discoveries point to the fact that the Statue of Liberty was meant to be a Trojan Horse-esque attach on the United States, but France forgot to fill the statue with Soldiers.

Politics, L.B,

China's social credit system keeps track of citizen's who chew with their mouth open and prevents them from opening a bank account.

Philosophy, A.K,


Economics, J.F,

Gold is so valuable that £50 worth of Gold is actually worth £80.

Physics, A.L,

At the center of the Big Bang Theory is in fact the hypothesis that the universe was created when God had sex with a black hole.

Computer Science, T.M,

You can get rid of a computer virus by making a Word Document titled 'Computer Virus' and then deleting it.

Chemistry, R.Q,

Bryan Cranston was almost fired from Breaking Bad after producers discovered that he had been cooking real meth in his scenes.

Medical Sciences, L.W,

Plastic surgeons often inject patients with melted down Legos as a cheaper alternative to Botox.

Law, G.L,

By law, fishermen can only keep trout that are over 10 inches long and look nefarious.

Physics, D.L,

Venus actually originally had rings, but Saturn's gravitational pull stole them.

English, B.I.C,

The script for 'The Godfarther: Part II' was rejected by over 50 film studies because it had typos in nearly every scentence.

Modern Languages, S.P,

The last attempt to time-travel and assasinate Stalin failed as they had forgotten to learn Russian.