Benjamin Falconer's Series of Unfortunate Events.

By Balliol JCR, 1 May, 2023
  • Monday - Ben got into an argument with a priest after claiming only lazy people believe in God and he would do his own smiting.
  • Tuesday - The smashed crockery in the kitchen was a testament to Ben's ire after being told that the average man spends 7 years shopping for the perfect grill. He had himself spent 7 hours that day shopping for one.
  • Wednesday - "Who keeps leaving fluff in my belly button. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?", maybe the 37 cups of coffee had sparked a slight onset of paranoia in the later hours of the evening.
  • Thursday - "Try to be more socially active", he was told in the morning. "Try to engage with wider community", they told him at lunch. "You have the right to remain silent", they said on Cornmarket that evening. Legal reasons prevent the divulgation of further details.
  • Friday - He sadly didn't roll a double so was stuck in Jail.
  • Saturday - He was allowed out for the Ginger Soc Photo. "With great power comes great responsibility - that's why I fight the power!", safe to say Ben's fight for social justice for Gingers is taking off like a forest fire - all orange and red.