Ben's Return to the Water

By Balliol JCR, 15 May, 2023
Ben in protective Octopush gear.

Ben continues to cheat death - this week directly attracting the ire of Poseidon with his prowess in the Octopush Cuppers. Ben fought hard. Alongside the waterborne divisions of Balliol's Armies he waddled steadfastly in his flippers to the edge of Iffley pool. Rattling his 9 inch long hockey stick at the enemy fear flooded the enemies eyes and they trembled before the might of Balliol.

Then all of a sudden the referee shouted go and the water turned into a blood bath like the piranha infested waters of the amazon. Diving under with his snorkel Ben shot towards the puck like a torpedo barreling towards the unsuspecting front line up of St. Catz. Seconds later play was stopped - holding Ben in a headlock at the bottom of the pool apparently broke the rules of the contact non-contact part of Octopush. Ben would not let himself get discourage by the low oxygen levels in his brain and went on to win 0 games for Balliol. He was of course thorough pleased with this result till he heard about another, bigger, number - but that would only be a couple of days later.

Sadly following this success Ben has, despite the constant influx of invitations to represent the UK at Octopush internationally, decided to refuse playing Octopush, in solidarity with all the dolphins that end up in tuna tins every year. The world of Octopush will truly never be the same.

Finally I invite each and everyone of you to cheer Ben up after his entry to Eurovision (Oxbridge Version) was sadly not well received, gaining a total of 0 votes from both the judges and the public. While we cannot officially say that this is a political attempt from Trinity JCR to undermine the might of Balliol's Armies we can officially not say anything.

View his entry below,